Post-Adoption Blues Webinar

As someone that has experienced post-adoption depression, I believe it is important to bring this topic out of the dark corners of our lives and open up about it so other adoptive parents and prospective adoptive parents know that if they experience it, 1 - it is perfectly normal, 2 - it doesn't make you a horrible parent and certainly doesn't mean that you do not love the child you waited so long for and 3 - you are not alone.

Below is a blog post, in it's entirety, from the Weaving Families blog about a webinar that will be held this week addressing the subject of post adoption depression. If you have adopted or are considering adoption, I highly recommend registering for this event.

"Journey to Me will be hosting a free webinar about Post-Adoption Depression this coming Tuesday, September 22nd at 8:30 pm EST. Dr. Bryan Post author of Beyond Consequences Logic and Control will be interviewing Dr. Karen Foli author of The Post-Adoption Blues.
Post-Adoption Depression catches so many new adoptive parents off guard and even parents who have adopted before can find themselves depressed after the dynamic of the family changes with the addition of a child or children. It is in our experience that families suffer silently through this because of guilt and not wanting to be judged for a myriad of reasons. This can magnify issues with difficulty attaching or general coping with the demands of parenting. If you have dealt with feeling down or depressed after adopting or you are waiting to adopt this is an excellent opportunity for help and education."

To register for the webinar click here: Adoption Blues Webinar

A New Journey in Sight

I can hardly believe that it has been a year since I last posted here. For so long I blogged here often, sometimes more than once in a day. It is where I first wrote about Tommy's adoption, our second visit trip, bringing him home and life as a family of three. And this is where I shared my heart while I fostered him in Guatemala...where I complained until I could complain no more and where I journaled as my fear and blindness turned to unexpected love for the people of Guatemala which led to me never wanting to leave.

Much has happened since I last wrote here. I am sure the few people that will read this are well aware of Across All Borders because I doubt anyone reading now is just stopping in to see if I've updated this blog, which means that you have probably followed along the entire time. If not, check out our website to see what we are doing in Guatemala (because yes, we finally made it back to Guatemala) and hop over to the AAB blog to follow us there, as well.

But this blog has nothing to do with AAB. Posting here now feels oddly familiar and more personal than the AAB blog. We are in a very familiar place in our lives...a place that isn't easy, but full of anticipation. It has nothing to do with Guatemala or the children and families we are serving there and it has nothing to do with that overwhelming number that everyone knows equals all of the orphans in the world. This has to do with just one child on the other side of the world, in a place where we said we would never adopt from. It has to do with a little boy that may or may not have already been born and who will likely live through more than I will ever know before we become his parents. It has to do with a process much different than what we are accustomed to. This has to do with our second adoption that we will be starting no later than February. It has to do with the small country of Ghana in West Africa and the child that we never imagined would be ours.

I never want to forget how we arrived at this place..the place that God has led us after declaring that we "would never" or "could not" for the silliest of reasons. We may have a few months before we start the actual process, but a piece of our hearts have already made it to Ghana and we are praying that the rest of us will follow soon. For now, I will be writing mostly about how we came to the decision to adopt again, why we are going to Ghana when it was never a considered country before and why we are adopting a son when I was entirely set on either adopting a girl or being open to gender.

There will be bumps in this road and there will be times when I think that I cannot make it to the end of this adoption, just as I did throughout Tommy's, but we are so happy and blessed to be able to walk through another adoption and we cannot wait to bring our son home at the end of it...

Reflections

Are you sick of hearing about Guatemala yet? Keep that answer to yourself because I probably don't want to know your answer. The truth is, as much as these reflections and feelings are driving me insane, I have a feeling they're only just beginning.

To say I'm itching to get back to Guatemala is an understatement. Maybe I should stop following along with my own story and going back to read each post and look at pictures I shared a year ago from Antigua each day. You think maybe that could be one of the reasons what little sanity I've gained back since leaving is now flying quickly out of the window?

I'm not expecting any comments here. Seriously, I know I wrote about Guatemala so much on the other blog that there is probably nothing else for anyone to say. And I don't even know why I'm writing this other than I'm sitting here alone, Danny is helping his dad move, Tommy is sleeping and when the intense longing to get back to Guatemala hits me, I feel better to say out loud how much it hurts me not to be there.

I just read over what I wrote last 8/22. I had just wrapped up my first week in Guatemala and until then had done nothing but complain about how afraid I was and how much I hated being there. It was that day (when I thought I would only be in Antigua for 9 more days, but ended up there for another month and a half) that something changed in me. As I was sitting on the rooftop terrace looking at the beautiful site of Agua, I realized that what I had been waiting for was at my fingertips. There was no longer a reason to complain or walk around in misery longing for the one thing I wanted most. No matter how afraid I was of Tommy being taken from me and no matter how much I missed Danny I decided that I had no other option than to enjoy my time in Guatemala. And obviously, I ended up enjoying myself more than I ever thought I would. That was also the day that my eyes were opened to see all it was that I was supposed to see there. That was the day my hopes and dreams of one day working to help the people of Guatemala turned into a burning passion.

I guess it's best for me to write all of these reflections this year since last year was just a bunch of stated facts without much true thought. It was raw emotion, but we all know that while you are facing something so difficult, you don't really understand things until you've made it through the situation and have time to absorb it all. It's all coming back to me now and as crazy and obsessed as I feel about this, I know that as time continues to pass, I may not always remember the small details of last year without help from past writings. So there you have it. My small details from 8/22/07. Am I living in the past or what? But my living in the past is what is going to help someone's future and if it takes me remembering and talking about this for the rest of my life, that is what I will do. Plus, I know that if I ever stop talking about and remembering all that transpired within me in Guatemala, that will mean my passion and desire to help those in desperate need no longer exists. What kind of person would I be if I ever let this passion die? I was meant to experience the things I did in Guatemala in order to come back and share it with whomever would listen.

I miss Guatemala. Yes, I would still move to Guatemala without thought if it were possible. My heart is heavy, but still beating for the people of Guatemala. And I am sometimes patiently, sometimes not so patiently waiting for the day when I can return to the place that is still calling my name.

And just so you know....this isn't the last you'll hear about this. You knew that right? Yeah...I thought so. Thanks for still reading even though I've turned into a broken record.

The Chapman's Meet Larry King Live

Most everyone knows that I LOVE Steven Curtis Chapman (SCC), not only because he happens to be an awesome singer that is also a part of the adoption community, but because I believe in all that he stands for and his music touches me. When his youngest daughter that was adopted from China died on May 21st, it hit me hard, and it still hits me hard every day. I cannot explain why I feel so strongly about this family, but know that I am not alone as thousands of people are still remembering and still praying.

The Chapman's spoke publicly for the first time since Maria's death in an interview with Good Morning America that aired yesterday. Tonight, they will spend the entire hour on Larry King Live. If you can, please watch this interview as a sign of support for this family. I'm sure that just as I am, you will be in awe at their amazing love, faith and hope, even during such difficult times.

One of my favorite songs on SCC's new album "Miracle of the Moment" is "Yours". I loved it before, but now he has added a 4th verse. Below is a clip of the new "Yours" from one of his concerts.

Going Private

I've been thinking about going private with this blog since about December, but never really wanted to do it. While I still don't really want to go private, I feel that it is best to do so at this time. Only those I invite will be allowed to read the blog. If you would like to have access to it, please email me at
terry dot bracey at gmail dot com or respond here with your email address. I can send out invitations on my own, but it will be much easier if you let me know you really want access so that I don't leave anyone out or invite someone unneccisarily.

This blog will remain open and I will continue to post about adoption related issues and other things for Red Letters Campaign. I will also write short updates about any future adoptions here, but more personal information will be on the other blog.

Thanks for sticking with us all of this time and I hope to see you at "Our Kind of Normal".

Officially Ours

A year ago today, I was a nervous wreck. I had gotten to what I thought was my breaking point in Tommy’s adoption and I had a feeling that we would be hearing something about our status in PGN that day, I just didn’t know if it would be good or bad news. We did get the OUT call at 5:30 that afternoon while I was pacing in my driveway just knowing that something was about to happen. Right after, we celebrated by eating quesadillas at a cheap restaurant with our friends, Beau and Holly. The moment I knew we were out of PGN, I felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off of my shoulders.

I can’t believe that it has been a year since Tommy officially became our son. And I can’t believe that next month, he will have been with me for a year. It’s already that time of year when memories are coming flooding back to my mind because so many things were happening at this time last year and I’m sure you’ll be seeing lots of old posts that I’m revisiting in the next few months. This is what I wrote the morning of 7/24/07 after I had told everyone around me that I “just knew” something big was going to happen that day, not knowing if it would be our OUT or a previo. All of this seems like it happened yesterday.


“The Black Hole”
PGN is often called the black hole. Once you get in, you have no idea when you’re going to get out. The longer you’re in, the more nervous you become. The tunnel seems to get longer and narrower. You go weeks, sometimes months with no news on how much longer you’ll be in the tunnel because no one knows how long it is. Just when you think you can see the light at the end, someone can swoop down at any time and yank you back to the beginning. You have to start all over again. This tunnel is a dark, lonely place. I don’t like the dark. I’m scared of it, in fact.

We’ve been in PGN for 7 weeks and 5 days. People are getting out left and right, or so it seems. I just checked our agency’s PGN list and there are only 2 people above us that are IN waiting to get OUT. There are other’s that are stuck with previos that have been waiting months to get back in. I feel for them. They deserve to be getting OUT and going home. But that’s something to talk about another day. For now, I’m looking more closely at the people that are above me and the timelines of those that have gotten out recently without a previo at 7 ½ and 8 weeks.

The problem is that I think I see the light at the end of the tunnel and am cautiously waiting for that nasty man (Barrios) to send me screaming back to the beginning. The feeling of calm and peace I had last week…..GONE! I woke up this morning feeling like I’m about to jump out of my skin. I’m a nervous wreck. I can’t stay still. My mind is racing….is this the day? Is this the day that we’ll get out or is this the day that we’ll be sent back to the start of the tunnel? I’m nervous, but it isn’t the kind of nervous that is all bad. I haven’t felt exactly this way since the day I thought, I just “knew” that we were going to get our referral. And we did get Tommy’s referral that day. I knew all day that that night would be THE night, we would get THE CALL. I even had Danny drive me to the airport to watch planes take off and land so I may not be so nervous about flying on our POA trip (it didn’t help, but I was convinced that the call would come that night and our trip would be planned the next day). Our call came 15 minutes after our drive and our trip was planned the next day. So do I have a premonition? Not likely, but at this point, I’ll grasp at any thing for hope.

And I just found out that OUTS can come on any day. I heard a long time ago that most outs come on Tuesdays or Fridays. At least the other days could have been somewhat peaceful because I wouldn’t be thinking that the call could be at any time. Wrong again! Now I have no down day, except the weekends. I’m back to the pre-referral nerves……jumping when the phone rings, anxiety until I look at caller ID, flopping between tears and madness when it’s not our agency. I wonder what it will feel like when I do see their number appear. They’ll be calling for one of two reasons….either we’re OUT or we got a previo….the best news or the worst and we won’t know which one until I answer.

I don’t like this at all.

Red Letters Campaign

I know some of you will ask about about the new "I believe living faith can end poverty" badge on the side bar and about the adoption journal badge that will appear at the bottom of many of my posts, so I want to go ahead and tell you about the Red Letters Campaign. I've become a blogger for this campaign and am thrilled to be involved with a community that strives to support orphans worldwide and end poverty. Because there are 2.5 BILLION people living in extreme poverty (40% of the world's population), thinking that we can help end it seems overwhelming and impossible. It is not impossible. Most of us do not do all that we are able to do in order to eliminate this problem that has a hold on nearly half of our world. You can learn more about the Red Letters Campaign by clicking on any of the campaign badges that you find on my blog and by watching the video below. And don't forget that Weaving Families is also working to help end poverty in the lives of many. If you feel like you should give a donation today, please visit their website.